Ten Foot City Magazine

Ten Foot City Magazine – Christmas New Year 2011

The Editor decided to delegate the intro to me this issue and the only brief he gave me was to “make it festive.” So here’s something I made for you earlier. It’s a Christmas game that all the family can play, and then you all vote for the best… winner get’s a poke in the mince pie.

It’s always about this time of year, when I hear those bleedin’ pesky first ‘Carolers of
Christmas‘ come wailing outside my window, that my thoughts return to my schooldays and a friend I knew who thought that ‘Silent Night’ contained the words “‘round John virgin”. This daft lad, obviously, not only believed there was a geezer with the surname ‘Virgin‘ present at Christ’s birth, but that he was also a right lardy-arse twat! So, over the years I’ve come to accept that children, with their open-minded interpretations and lateral thinking, are fantastically funny at getting the words to songs, wrong.

However, mishearing lyrics is not something that is restricted to the young and more naïve. The phenomena is, in fact, so prevalent amongst the English population, (in particular apparently) that it actually has its own dictionary name.

The act of mishearing lyrics is known as a “Mondegreen.“ The word was coined after writer, Sylvia Wright, heard a song and thought someone had “Slayed The Bonny Earl of Murray and Lady Mondegreen“, rather than the correct words
which were ‘Slayed The Bonny Earl of Murray….and laid him on the green’.
So, now you know, that everytime some idiot croons ‘Doughnuts make your brown
eyes blue’, they are actually doing a Mondegreen!

Here then, for your Christmas delectations, are Tenfootcity’s Top Ten mondegreens:

1) ‘The ants are my friends’ (Bob Dylan – Blowing In The Wind)
2) ‘No dogs orgasm in the classroom’ (Pink Floyd – Another Brick In The Wall)
3) ’I got my first real sex dreams’ (Bryan Adams – Summer of 69)
4) ‘Last Night I dreamt of some dago’ (Madonna – La Isle Bonita)
5) ‘Scuse me while I kiss this guy’ (Jimi Hendrix – Purple Haze)
6) ‘The Girl With Colitis Goes By’ (The Beatles – Lucy In The Sky With Diamonds)
7) ‘Isreali Men, Hallelulah!’ (Geri Halliwell – It’s Raining Men)
8) ‘Take your pants off and make it happen’ (Irene Carra – Flashdance)
9) ‘Let’s pee in the corner’ (R.E.M. – Losing My religion.)…and finally just to keep it festive…
10) ‘Get dressed ye married gentlemen’ (Traditional Carol)

Ian Farrow.