I had just pressed send on my Literature Festival reviews (see p31-32 if you want to see what I thought of Caitlin Moran and Marcus Brigstocke), when I saw the time. In my usual last minute panic, I dashed out of the door, ran down the road and skidded into a pew in the church just in time to witness the “combine harvester festival” as my 5-year old is calling it (after learning the Big Red Combine Harvester song). Quite appropriate when you think about it. After listening to each class perform a harvest poem, the vicar invited us to give thanks (to God or the combine harvester, I wasn’t sure, may be both?). But my heart sank into my boots when I heard the teacher announce that Yellow Class would now bring up their gifts to the front of the church. GIFTS??? Ah, those beautifully wrapped packages of thoughtful food parcels put together by conscientious parents which would be collected and distributed afterwards by Age UK. I had to ask myself how I had got to child number three and still managed to completely forget something like that. May be it’s because it’s child number three? To be fair, all he was worried about was that I was there and he could see me. I had at least managed that bit. For that, I will give thanks. I spent part of the previous evening at my book club, explaining to some of the members, the basic principles of Twitter. None of them were on Twitter and this didn’t surprise me at all. Hardly any of my friends are, other than those who run local businesses and yet it’s constantly in the news and every TV programme and radio show is now legally obliged, it seems, to mention how you can contact them on Twitter and some new-fangled thing called hashtags. So how come so few people I know, are actually using it? I suspect the answer is a) you’re busy and have got along perfectly well without it so far and b) you don’t know how to. There is actually rather a lot going for it, and this is coming from a total technophoebe. I’d definitely recommend giving it a go. So with some expert help, I have gone to the trouble of producing a “how to” guide opposite, which I hope you will read and find useful. I’d really love to hear how you get on. Even if you don’t join me on Twitter (@CheltDirectory) or if you are implacably opposed to it, drop me an email instead. Or – what the hell – fly in the face of all modernity and write me a letter if you like doing things the old fashioned way.